•November 10, 2011 • Leave a Comment

So, I went on a sexfest, pushing many boundries, for research purposes..heh heh..seriously, I met a guy who turned me on and I went down that whole obsession route where every moment was consumed by him.  Ha, I thought he felt the same way, cause he was slightly sneaky as men are.  It turned I wasn’t his only lolita, just one of his favourites.  It got me thinking about all that energy I was experiencing how I totally fueled it with my imagination and fantasy that he was feeling massive deep emotions as I was.  It’s an interesting thing, physical sexuality fueled by a string of thoughts.


Anyway I decided I was horny too , bubble slightly burst so also wanted to feel what sleeping with many guys at once would be like.   It wasn’t spite or anything.  It was just like, mannn I am so sick of hearing this bullshit fucking song men sing about wanting freedom and not really being into commitment for the long term etc.   I started to realise, what the fuck was I saving myself for?? when the man I eventually settle with, cause he’s old and suddenly wants a companion, will have probably fucked hundreds of women by that time.  What the fuck would I be saving myself for? A guy whose seen so many pussys he probably knows his way around one better than myself and I’ve had one all my life.

Having the goal of  powerful orgasms during my sexual peek years, rather than a husband, kids, hous, etc became my focus.  My goal was simply to have good sex and orgasm as many times as possible.  Just see men as sexual objects and watch how they desire and fathom me.  To understand sex.  What it is from a man ‘s point of view and how emotionless can it get?  What makes women want mainly one partner whose monogamous whilst men want to be promiscuous with monogamous women??  I can’t tell you how easy it is to get laid out there.  It is fucking easy.


Well, it’s only been a year of this life style and it sure does make being single very fun, interesting and very sexually gratifying.


Stay tuned for my series titled “SEXPLOITATIONS” …… xx coming soon xx …….

A New Chapter

•October 9, 2010 • Leave a Comment

After many months of painful unemployment and never ending rejection.  The offers rolled in within a couple of weeks.  I’m now on a different continent where east meets west and all around I see history and feel connected to the earth and people who traversed before me.

I’m happy to be away from North America, there’s spirtual bankruptcy there, too much worship of the dollar.  I like being with people who believe in higher powers and cultures that are warm and friendly, endearing, real.  I’ll explain this one day.

Gratitude again. Life again.  Living because it’s a part of life, not as though it were a chore.  Money again.  Adventure and a whole load of people who are exciting and loving the simple things, rather than chasing empty dreams and following useless fashions.

I am alive and my veins are pumped with love, no room for sadness right now, just pure gratitude.  It is true that good things come to those that wait.  And, there is light in the darkness, just wait for it to appear…………LIGHT IN THE DARK


•July 21, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Not sure why, but lately I’m inspired to write when I’m down.  It’s like worthless chitter chatter, releasing and not really making much sense.  I can’t help but feel super super trapped though.

I believe life is what you make it. However, there are some things which require other people to give you an opportunity, in order for one to pursue their desires.  I’m not happily unemployed.  Some days I’ll get up in the morning and have some tea, then on the computer I go.  Some days I decide to take a break and realise 6 hours can go by really fast.  Other times, I run out of jobs to apply to.  I have done all the calling and harassing there is to do and simply just have to wait a couple of days before resuming  with follow ups, so as to prevent potential employers from confusing desperately seeking work with insanity.   I’ve sent out over 150 resumes.  My resume is excellent by the way.  I’ve been to career counselors and taken actual resume writing workshops.  It’s been approved by the pros.  I’ve also learned how to tweak it and customise according to different postions, and my cover letter skills, wow, amazing now.

The problem is having an ethnic name!  I love my name it has a great meaning and I would never change it.  But, when career counsellor politely suggests a name change as a perhaps some food for thought, it doesn’t sit well.

I’m not oblivious to prejudices.  Heck having my name has been interesting to say the least, but it’s MY name.  I actually love that it’s unique and perhaps it has formulated part of my identity.  It’s what I’ve answered to all my life, and i’m definitely not going to change it because it’s ethnic.  The funniest part of it all is, probably they think my English isn’t good.  That is unfortunately what most Canadians think about foreigners/immigrants.  Whats’ funny is I speak with a British accent, ha ha the Queens English, no cockney accent here.   If any one bothered to call me back, they just might be surprised with who they end up talking to.

I am slightly offended though.  I grew up in such a multicultural environment that I do not really understand racism.  I don’t get it.  I don’t get how the colour of a persons skin or where they originated from turned into this.  I mean, weren’t we all kids once and learned about the people of the world?  Didn’t we learn there are different cultures, countries, religions?  What was so hard to understand or accept, what made one seem better than the other?

Canada is such a great country, but, there is this undertone all the time about minorities and different ethnicitys.  So many preconceived notions.  Yet, a country of immigration it is, and very diverse representations here, depending on where you are that is.  I am sad by all the lack of acceptance.  Furthermore, I am bothered by all the labels – ‘visible minority’ is a term we could really get rid of.  Really, what does this define? Well basically, if you are part of a minority group which is visible, you don’t blend in.  Therefore being Polish would make one a minority, but not a visible one, do you get it? So, in other words, non white minority groups.

All religions tend to have been turned into something weird.  No one will ever tell you that to your face, but there is a general consensus that people who are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist etc are just plain weird for believing in God.  Stop believing in God people, stop it.  It’s just not modern or with this century.  Actually, Buddhists have a good reputation.  No one really thinks of them as mental, just spiritual, and you know that there is a difference, right?

Back to the issue.  I have a friend whose been collecting EI (Employment Insurance) for 6 months now.  She didn’t plan to look for work until it started to run out.   She claims to have sent two resumes out and already got an interview.  Get this, her English isn’t very good it’s her second language, she looks more ethnic than I do, has a High School education (I have a degree), but she has an English name!!!  So, after hearing this, I couldn’t help but think of what the Career Counsellor suggested.  It does seem really odd.  It does seem very disappointing and it does seem very insulting.

I have always had the challenge of going the extra mile to get a job.  It used to work out well for me cause I am tenacious and as long as they could hear me talk and articulate myself, I usually got the job.  Now though, everything has gone online and it’s a lot easier to discriminate.  In addition, it’s literally impossible to get past the reception.  If you ask for the contact on the job description, usually the end result is a machine.  And, informational interviews aren’t getting me anywhere, because most people don’t give time of day, further to that point, they might just be polite and give you five minutes but that’s the end.

I’m tired, really really tired.  Does anyone else have a similar experience.  I’d really like to know if this is now senseless, defeating chitter chatter or do I have any valid points here?  I could really use some feedback, advice, anything.


•July 4, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I am not having a good day, i am not having a good life.

I am grateful

I am getting tired of worthless chitter chatter

inspirational quotes and thoughts to lift me up.

Reality is relative to individuals.

mine doesn’t change

my efforts which some were inconceivable and unbelievable, all that, all of it

doesn’t pay off

hasn’t paid off

doubting it ever will.

i don’t want to ask anymore or have anymore hope

it’s disappointing

it is really disappointing

and embarrassing to feel this way

to write it out and then delete

to post it for someone to read

i’ll get no feedback

and I’ll still be here not expecting anyone to care

not expecting much


On some levels i wish it would all end.


•June 23, 2010 • Leave a Comment

There is a way that nature speaks, that land speaks.

Most of the time we are simply not patient enough,

quiet enough, to pay attention.



•June 23, 2010 • Leave a Comment

A back and forth, cornered or trapped

a failure to launch

Hopeful was dopeful and now it’s all wasted

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like time is running out?

Can I not doubt?

Can I just get carried away into a blissful slumber

or just some retrospect

instead of a constant return to the dismal

hopless and cynical

there is no coming back again

there has to be a seperation

but tired of being alone

and scared of desperation

there isn’t any cover anymore

maybe it was all just preperation

maybe some of us are bound to simply exist

to have an alotted time for bliss

I want to be hopeful

but it’s like looking at an innocent child

remembering what we miss

and knowing in my heart of hearts

the child is gone, and it will never be bliss


•May 25, 2010 • Leave a Comment

If you’re going to be passionate about something

be passionate about learning.  If you’re going to fight something,

fight for those in need.  If you’re going to question something, question authority.

If you’re going to lose something, lose your inhibitions.

If you’re going to gain something, gain respect and confidence.  And, if

you’re going to hate something, hate the false idea that you are not capable of your dreams.

Daniel Golston

I hope we can move towards a world citizenry that recognizes our humanity as common grounds towards solutions for the betterment of this planet.  There is too much injustice.  If we recognise our powers as consumers and realize the difference between needs and wants, we may be able to help those who are less fortunate.  If you must have a diamond, try to purchase one that’s been ethically removed from the earth.